


the long fight

by orphan_account



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Critical Role Bang 2016, Gen, Roleswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-31 17:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8587639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: cassandra de rolo has been through much. she fights, she hates, she presses on.she will survive.
(or; what if cassandra was just a little faster than percy on that day, and escaped while he fell?)





	

**Author's Note:**

> made for the crit role reverse bang! the artist is kalgalen who [drew a fantastic piece](http://8bitcandy.tumblr.com/post/153577562541/the-long-fight-artist-kalgalen-author-8bitcandy) that inspired me to do this.  
> so there's some gore and some self-loath (cassandra doesn't actively want to die, but she doesn't really care if her life ends) but not a lot. definitely more gore, but not over the top. i think.  
> anyways, hope you enjoy! <3

she is trapped, trapped in a room full of acid and she might die, and her friends - no, her new family? - might die, but the worst part is seeing him. he’s with them, and he is stoic, but she can tell, she can just tell how he is angry, furious. he might even hate her and she’s so, so, so scared.

“out of all of our siblings, i liked you the most. you even tried to help me escape, but when we were in real danger, you left me. you _abandoned_ me, cassandra,” he says slowly, calmly, but full of venom. “the day you left me out in the snow was the day that percival de rolo died. not from the cold, but from you.” his eyes are cold, steeled, full of hatred.

“i am a briarwood now.” he pulls out a weapon, one that she doesn’t quite recognize - is it his own invention? it is small, it could fit in his hand - there is a hole on the end of it, and some sort of trigger that his finger is on... but his entire hand is shaking.

he sighs. with that, he leaves with the two worst creatures in the world, and--and vax, who has become one of them, which makes her want to cry, all over again--and she almost sees a shadow following them, but she cannot pay it that much attention. she has to survive. (she might not deserve to survive, but hell, vox machina does.)

* * *

 she is small and unassuming, the youngest of all the de rolos. and even though she is the youngest, there is a lack of attention upon her - perhaps everyone was too tired by the time she came into the world to give her the special treatment. being small and needy, she wants attention, so she tries to get it any way she can: annoying her siblings becomes a game that she is good at.

cassandra learns how to hide in the shadows, how to startle her siblings or steal their items. it’s all for fun, for attention. she always gives it back, she swears!

cassandra annoys percy the most. perhaps it is because he is always away from the group, so it then becomes a special game trying to annoy him. it’s special to get attention from him, since he is usually by himself. she’s always poking her head in his workshop, trying to find some new angle to get him to look at her. she usually takes his things, to see if he notices; some of her best memories are of him chasing her down a hallway, his incessant cries mixing with her shrieks of laughter.

that does not mean that she does not love the others; she does, she does. she plays dress up with her sisters and hide and seek with her brothers. her sisters show her how to be a lady – but not just a lady, a fierce lady, who could destroy someone with a quip – and her brothers show her all the secret passages and corridors in the house. even percy shows her how to tinker with things, every once in a while.

she loves them all, forever and always.

* * *

when she kills sir kerrion stonefell with one of her daggers, she feels proud, if only for a second. everything in her is burning and she is grinning wickedly and the world feels right and one down, five to go--

but then the feeling subsides, and it is replaced by emptiness. nothing feels right. cassandra suddenly feels sick. she staggers back, and that is when she finally notices the smoke billowing out of the body - or, wait, is the smoke billowing out of her?

“hey, cassie,” vax suddenly says. “everything alright?”

she looks down at sir kerrion to properly view his body. it is only now that she notices that he has multiple cuts on him: they all look like they were from her. they’re not quick, or clean - they’re messy, uneven, stabbed multiple times. it seems as though her anger got the best of her.

“i... i don’t know,” she replies, quiet. “i don’t know.”

* * *

when she is fifteen, she tries to kill anna ripley. it doesn't go well. it goes very, very poorly. but in the end, she is freed, and she meets vox machina.

and, despite her being fifteen, she becomes a part of vox machina. at the time, she doesn't know why - she certainly knows that it was mainly keyleth and pike who urged the rest to let her come with them. they pity her, she knows, but she can't not accept the help... it's nice to not have to steal every night. at least, she doesn't have to steal for awhile - this is a temporary thing, certainly.

but temporary becomes permanent, and cassandra actually becomes a part of vox machina. it just... happens. she's incredibly thankful. 

but she tries not to think about ripley. there isn’t anything she wants to remember, except for vox machina.

* * *

there are rumors in whitestone, that percy is still alive. cassandra almost refuses to believe it, but a small sliver of hope is still there. eventually, it’s confirmed, that not only is he alive, but he’s working to bring down the briarwoods with the townsfolk.

when she discovers that percy is alive, she is overjoyed. she hugs him tightly. she will never let him go, she swears.

she will never abandon him.

* * *

“cassandra...” keyleth trails off, but then she pipes up again. “cassandra, why were you in that cell? you never told us.”

“i...” it’s cassandra’s turn to trail off. “it’s a long story.”

“does it have to do with them? those people attending the council?” scanlan asks. “what was their name, the briarwoods?”

“d-don’t,” she stutters. “i... please don’t mention their name.”

everyone is silent for a moment. cassandra is just trying not to cry.

“please,” vex says. “we’re here for you.”

it takes another minute for cassandra to steel herself, but she finally does; they deserve to know.

“i’m a de rolo... i was nobility, once,” she laughs, weakly. “the briarwoods killed my entire family. i hate them. i hate them so much. anna ripley, too. she helped them kill my family. i saw her, and i just - i just wanted to _kill_ her, but i got caught.”

there’s more she isn’t telling, but she can’t bring herself to tell it just yet. the smoke within her curls and burns, but it does not come out quite yet. she’s already crying, anyways.

“they’re up to something, i just know it.” she curls her fists. “i have to go after them. i have to find out what’s going on.”

“you mean we, don’t you?” vax says. her eyes widen.

“w-we?” cassandra stammers yet again. “you don’t need to -”

“yes we do, dear,” vex smiles, softly. “we’ll always be here for you.

“yeh,” grog grins. “we aren’t gonna leave ya behind.” next to him, pike gives a thumbs up.

“of course!” keyleth and tiberius chime in.

“never would think of it, cassandra johnny bravo de rolo,” scanlan winks.

“you see?” vax says. “we’re here for you.”

cassandra’s still crying, but this time, she’s smiling, too.

* * *

everything with the briarwoods, she either remembers it crystal clear or it’s muffled and vague, cloudy and with no meaning, but no matter what, that awful, awful feeling is still there—

she saw the corpses of her family. every single one – but the worst, she thinks, the worst part was watching percy die. cassandra saw percy die. he, he could’ve lived, but percy—

cassandra gets him out. she tries to escape with him, but they catch up. they, they – shoot him, full of arrows, and – she sees him falling into the snow, and her heart screams help him but her mind screams he’s DEAD and her body will not stop for him, can not stop. she keeps going and going, not even attempting to glance back at her brother’s body.

(a small part of her still wonders if that could’ve been her, if she was just a little slower, and relief floods her when she thinks that, but then it’s replaced with bitter guilt and she swallows it all down.)

eventually, they stop chasing her, and she ducks behind a tree. it’s frigid outside, and she’s cold and trembling all over, but she cannot feel a single thing. tears flow freely from her for what feels like hours. she feels numb, absolutely numb to the core, but she knows she’s crying. cassandra closes her eyes.

when her tears dry, after eons of sitting in the cold, cold snow, cassandra opens her eyes. she picks herself up, and, one trembling foot at a time, she begins to walk.

* * *

they escape from the acid room. vex calls vax on the earring and tells him that they’re dying, but cassandra doesn’t know what good it will do. she’s scared, but they have to keep going.

they have to end this.

* * *

cassandra does not live, she does not survive, she simply exists. she gets herself to another city and quickly picks up the art of theft. it is not unlike her hide and seek games with her brothers – the very thought makes her teary, but she’s learned to keep her tears at bay, to make herself deadly quiet, even if she needs to sob. all she needs to do are find good hiding spots, slip in, then slip out. If she’s really good, no one will ever notice. and she is good.

one night, two years after the end, when she has hidden herself in a safe spot to sleep in, she finally dreams. cassandra dreams of smoke, billowing everywhere around her. it seeps into her mind, into her heart, and suddenly, she feels raw anger burning through her veins. for the first time since she escaped the briarwoods, she finally feels something again – but it is pure anger, pure hate.

“ _child…_ ” a voice echoes throughout her mind. the smoke seems to take shape, but cassandra cannot quite make it out. all she can see are glowing eyes, eyes that pierce right through her. “ _child… you are hurting._ ”

she says nothing.

“ _they took everything away from you… wouldn’t you like to return the favor?_ ” some of the smoke curls out into a hand. “ _wouldn’t you like to destroy them?_ ”

It doesn’t even take her a second to remember all of their bodies, strewn about. percy lying in the snow. she does.

cassandra shakes the smoke’s hand, and it dissipates immediately. she can hear laughter in her mind, and she swears she can see the smoke almost smirk.

“ _good, child_.”

 

* * *

returning to whitestone feels foreign and familiar all at once. cassandra can see traces of what it used to be, but everything seems much sadder. the people are quiet. it all seems wrong.

“has whitestone always been like this?” scanlan asks.

“never,” she replies. they fall silent.

the briarwoods did this - they did all of this.

the smoke builds inside of her - something is thrumming loudly in her. anger, perhaps? no matter. her eyes dull a little.

“we’re going to end this.”

* * *

predictably, the banquet with the briarwoods and uriel doesn’t go well. cassandra is seething, but she does her best to be concealed. she says nothing, does nothing, can't even look at them, for if she knows she does, the smoke will yell and she will pull out a dagger and it will all go to shit.

(it all goes to shit, anyways. partially vax's fault, really, but whatever.)

a fight breaks out. cassandra pulls out two of her daggers, with the names of sylas and delilah briarwood each on them. she's going to kill them, _she's going to kill them, she **will kill them**_ \--

she doesn't. they escape; everyone survived, but the briarwoods are free. plus, they look innocent. never a good thing. they meet lillith, defend her from people, and things go even more to shit: an old lady dies, for gods' sake. (part of her wants to care, but she is so engulfed by other, more pressing matters, that she pays little attention to it all.

plus, uriel is _pissed_. and possibly on the briarwoods side. vox machina's meeting with the council is not pleasant, and they're essentially put on probation.

she hates, she hates, she hates.

* * *

the briarwoods driver is still there. she still hates.

they begin an interrogation, but it goes south very quickly. the boy is saying nothing, and the anger is pounding in cassandra's head and she wants to scream, to yell, to _hurt this boy so badly because he's with **them,** the absolute worst creatures in the world, how **can** he be with them?! they're **evil!**_

so she does. she takes out a dagger and jabs it into one of the boys' fingers. he screams, and everyone is reeling, but she is stone cold - she does not _care_.

"you're going to tell us what you _fucking_ know or you lose another finger," she bites out. she pushes the dagger in more, and eventually, the finger comes off of his hand. blood starts to gush, and there's still screaming, but she can no longer hear it.

_"good, child..."_ a voice says in the back of her mind. it's familiar to the one from her dream. " _use your rage. it is your most powerful weapon..._ "

she can feel a hand on her shoulder. cassandra looks behind her to see vax; he's shocked, but he's gripping her tightly. they all look scared.

and, just like that, cassandra returns to her senses. she takes a deep breath, and the reality of what has happened comes crashing down onto her. just like that, the anger stops pounding, and she recoils.

"i, i, i -" she starts.

"cassandra," keyleth sounds horrified. "what are you doing?"

"i have to go," cassandra replies, and, quick as a flash, she tugs free of vax's grip and runs.

she runs to her room, and cries for revenge. or her parents. probably both.

* * *

cassandra learns to fit in with vox machina. they're loud, ready to always do something, and just - strong. they're powerful people, each in their own right. they probably feel overly protective of her, seeing as she's the youngest of them all.

she doesn't have a favorite; she feels a kindred spirit in vax - they both resorted to thievery to survive, but she cares about them all (which is nice, because she hasn't cared about anything in ages.) grog shows her how to be strong; pike shows her how to be kind again; vax shows her how to sneak around and fight quickly; vex teaches her how to haggle; scanlan always tries to make her laugh, and teach her how to charm; keyleth teaches her morality, even if she doesn't always follow it.

she knows that her family, her true family, will never come back. and no matter how hard vox machina tries, they may never help replace them in their heart. cassandra may never move on.

* * *

the next morning, after her dream of smoke, cassandra discovers six daggers encircling around her on the ground. upon inspecting them, she sees that five of them have a name engraved in the hilt: _professor anders. doctor ripley. sir kerrion stonefell. sylas briarwood. delilah briarwood._

the five named daggers are all plain, sharp, with metal hilts bound by black leather. the sixth dagger, the one with no name, is different: it’s the same shape, but it has a golden hilt, with a black jewel in the center of the crossguard. she decides it’s her favorite immediately.

cassandra places three of the daggers in her satchel. the other three – the fancy dagger, and the two with the briarwoods’ name on them – are strapped to her hip, hidden by her cloak. she has never used a dagger before, but she knows that these fit well. they are _hers,_ and that very idea is intoxicating, simply _powerful_.

and even though cassandra has never used any sort of weapon before, she can wield the daggers as if she has used them all her life. she’s fluid and graceful, smooth and quick and quiet and _powerful_. it’s beautiful.

one day, she cuts a man while attempting to mug him. it’s nonlethal, but it’s threatening. she can see him bleed. and for a moment, she feels guilty, but the anger thrumming in her is loud, blocking out any other thoughts. she swears she sees some smoke rise from her hand, but she can’t really tell.

it doesn’t matter, really, anyway.

* * *

the whispered one pops up every now and then. none of them know what that name means. cassandra briefly wonders if the whispered one is the voice in the back of her head, the smoke.

it doesn't sound good.

* * *

the smoke billows out of her again when she is about to kill professor anders. everything is a cacophony of chaos: there's battles going on everywhere, but she's only focusing on anders. and he's bleeding out fast. and she feels great.

anders is staring at her, with dead eyes, but she doesn't care. she brings her dagger - the one with his name - up and _throws_ it, point blank, right in his eye. he staggers and falls to the ground, but doesn't scream - he clutches his eye, but he doesn't _scream_.

that's not right to her, she thinks. cassandra slowly walks over to professor anders, and pulls the dagger out, slowly, agonizingly.

"that was for my mother," she snarls. she brings up the dagger, and sinks it in him, deep but not lethal. "my father." again. "julius." again, again, again. "vesper, percival, oliver, whitney, ludwig. _die._ "

professor anders says nothing. he stares at her, unblinkingly, not screaming, letting the blood flow from him until he closes his other eye and doesn't open it.

when everything is said and done, cassandra turns to see her brother. she _sees_ percy, hope, love, her brother, so much.

when she sees percy get up from the floor, she hugs him and doesn't let go.

* * *

anna ripley joins them for a brief time. cassandra wants to kill her, but she doesn't. they need ripley for now, and they may have promised release, but cassandra doesn't know if she'll actually grant that.

either way, it doesn't matter, because ripley escapes. cassandra is furious, but she cannot do anything about it.

she presses on.

* * *

after professor anders, cassandra stops using the daggers. she puts three of them in her satchel, and never takes them out; the jeweled one is strapped to her hip. _delilah and sylas briarwood_ are also strapped to her hips, but she swears she will never use them for anyone except the briarwoods. instead, she purchases a short sword and straps that to her back.

she presses on.

* * *

the briarwoods are surprised to see vox machina survive. vax is surprised, too.

"you should be dead," delilah says, as if it was a mere inconvenience that they're alive. "no matter, we can take care of you all. percival?"

percy raises his weapon, the weapon that cassandra doesn't quite understand.

"percy..." she calls out. "what is that?"

his eyes narrow; he doesn't say anything, but his hand is close to shaking again.

"dear," sylas cuts in. "you are unfit to understand. the whispered one gives us this knowledge - gives _him_ this knowledge, this understanding... and we are all the more powerful for it."

despite this, percy is not doing anything. vox machina takes this time to charge in.

* * *

there _is_ a small mission, after the council, where vox machina decides to help out some farmers. it's an attempt to boost morale and morality, but it'll be nice to do something good, non-briarwood related.

it's all very strange. scanlan makes them all cows and keyleth gets kidnapped and cassandra is too far in her own head to really laugh at the fact that a giant raven kidnapped a cowified keyleth, but it's something. this adventure, ultimately, makes her feel like she has people with her. and, of course, she's had vox machina for a while - but they're _there_ with her, ready to leap into danger _for_ her. and she's willing to do the same for them.

it doesn't feel like home; but it feels like she can _make_ this a home. perhaps, with them, she can heal.

* * *

there is a fight. vox machina - plus vax, who pike has restored - bands together to fight the briarwoods. it will end, one way or another.

cassandra pulls the shortsword, but she doesn't charge with the rest of them. instead, she quietly walks up to percy. he points his weapon at her, eyes steeled - but he doesn't do anything. that gives her hope.

"brother," she asks, quietly. "who is the whispered one? what have they done to you?"

"enough," he replies. "the whispered one will rise. i have been blessed."

"do you really believe that?"

"yes," percy hisses, but his eyes are duller now. softer. he doesn't look mad. "i will shoot you, should you fight."

"no you won't," cassandra responds, but she ducks out of the way anyway.

he doesn't do anything.

* * *

a little while after she kills sir kerrion, and the smoke has cleared, and they're back at the inn, everyone crowds around her worriedly.

"hey," vax says - there's a slight edge of anger to his voice, but he looks worried. "cassie, you alright?"

"yeah," she mutters. "i'm fine."

"great, well--what the fuck is going on?"

"dear," vex joins in. "you aren't telling us everything."

"i don't entirely understand it either," she shoots back.

"what was with that smoke?" keyleth asks.

"i..." she wants to brush it off, but she can't. "i don't know what it is. i don't think i'll ever know."

there's absolute silence, save for the pounding in her head. it's deafening, and it's horrible, and she wants to hate it, but can't bring up any emotion but sadness, grief. eventually, cassandra speaks again.

"one day, after the briarwoods took _everything_ , and i was on my own... i had a dream. there was some smoke thing, asking me if i wanted revenge. i didn't know it'd be real. i shook its hand, and... when i woke up, i had six daggers lying next to me. they each had someone's name, except for one." she sighs. "i don't know what to do."

"could we be dealing with a demon?" vex looks towards keyleth.

"possibly, i'm not quite sure," keyleth muses. "we should research on this, after everything's done. you may have made a deal with someone, cassie."

"...yeah, i know," she sighs, quietly. "i don't know what to do about it."

"who's that last dagger for, cassie?" vex asks.

"i... i don't know," she says, again. there's no definite answer - to be quite honest, part of her believes it's for herself.

"in the meantime, cassie," vax says, quietly. "perhaps just take it down a notch? we need to go after the briarwoods now, they're doing something. just don't violently stab people twelve times."

"i-i'll try... but if i go off again, i don't know what'll happen." she murmurs in return. "but if anything wrong happens... please, don't hesitate to -"

"it _won't_ come to that," he says. "i won't let it."

cassandra has no more to say after that.

* * *

percy aids the briarwoods, but he does not harm anyone with his weapon. (he eventually falls unconscious in the battle, but not dead.) keyleth and pike kill sylas. delilah wails and screams, tears streaking down her face, but cassandra cannot find it in herself to care. delilah has hurt so much; this is her punishment. her divine retribution.

however, delilah escapes. she escapes, and cassandra's anger fades. (is that the smoke monster? she can't take this anymore.) they tie up percy - part of her doesn't want to, but she understands - and start trying to chase after delilah.

they run into the ritual room, where delilah is trying to do... _something_. none of their spells work and makeup's running down delilah's face and she is howling as she tries to complete the ritual.

delilah is taking hit after hit, but she's reading the scroll and she's pouring blood from her wounds in and the ritual is working, a black orb is emerging, _shit, shit, the ritual is working--_

vex charges in and nearly dies as delilah points at her and utters a spell. vax, of course, charges in as well in order to help his sister. everyone else comes in and tries to heal vex, tries to cast magic--but, suddenly, it's not working. it's not working at all and vex--vex might _die_ , and cassandra suddenly can't take that. she can't have her family die all _over again, no, no, **no--**_

in one swift motion, cassandra takes out one of her daggers and throws it, right across to the platform delilah's on, right at her arm. it sinks in cleanly, and delilah screams. cassandra throws another one, in order to incapacitate that arm, do _anything--_

delilah slumps, falling down the steps. she is not dead, but she is weak. vox machina has to get out, in order to get their magic back. they can't heal vex. vex is still not okay. cassandra refuses to accept that - she _will be okay_.

they run, taking delilah with her.

_"kill her, child..."_ the voice booms in her head.

"no," she whispers back. she can feel the smoke starting to billow out of her, somehow _angrily_ , but it doesn't say anything. she knows it will try something, anyhow.

she doesn't care. she doesn't want this smoke in her anymore.

she will end this.

* * *

after they escape the acid room, cassandra finds her jeweled dagger glowing. she pulls it out, and to her surprise, she can see a name being written into the dagger. the others look on as neat cursive handwriting is being written.

_percival de rolo_.

immediately, cassandra recoils and drops the dagger. everyone around her gasps.

" _no_ ," she whispers. "no, no, no. i will _not_ kill him."

* * *

they escape, and when they find safety (in another room full of acid - it brings to mind percy's betrayal, but cassandra pushes that away), they heal vex. vex is sort of okay, and cassandra breathes a sigh of relief. pike heals everyone, but they can not rest just yet--there is so much more to be done.

gently, cassandra walks over to where they put her unconscious brother down. she waits until his eyes flutter open, and then frowns.

"brother--"

"cassandra," he interrupts, weak. "cassandra, i--"

"don't," she cuts in. "please, just, listen to me. who is the whispered one?"

"i don't know."

" _how_ do you not know?" vax walks up to the two of them, joined by everyone else. he looks furious, now. "you said that you have been blessed. don't try to bullshit us that you don't know anything."

"i didn't say i don't know _anything_ , i just... don't know who the whispered one is." he's weak, given up on everything, and cassandra knows he doesn't cry, but she saw this look, a long time ago, when the briarwoods took everything from them: it's grief. "i can't really bullshit you. i have nothing to lose."

"how were you blessed, then? why?"

"i can tell you the briarwoods were attempting to revive him. that's all i knew. one day, they brought me into that room, and... suddenly, i had this knowledge. i knew how to make _this,_ " he gestures - or at least attempts to, what with being bound - to the weapon in his pocket. "this... gun. perhaps the whispered one gave me that knowledge as a thank you. or as an advantage against others--to my knowledge, this weapon has never been made before. it certainly..." he trails off for a moment, eyes hardening, but then picks up. "...helped, i guess, whenever there was a rebellion. i... knew of all the rebellions. whitestone _trusted_ me. and not only did i have that, i had this weapon of death. i've... hurt so many people."

with that, percy falls silent. the room is stifling with the quiet, with everything going on, but scanlan interrupts it.

"the whispered one! i know who that is, maybe," he says.

"you do? who is that?" cassandra turns toward him.

"the whispered one - _vecna_... i don't know too much about him, but he was a lich king of sorts. tried to become a god, but i don't think it worked. he was like... a deity of secrets, dark secrets, forbidden knowledge."

"percy, does vecna remind you of anything?"

"no, not really."

"did the briarwoods intend for you as a sacrifice?" vex asks. percy's eyes soften.

"i don't think so," he replies, after a moment of consideration. "they may have thought my ability to create was more important. i do believe that they might've thought of me as a... vessel, of sorts."

" _child,_ " the voice rings loud in her mind, interrupting everything. " _child, finish your revenge._ "

cassandra, slowly, methodically, walks over to where delilah is not only bound, but gagged. the two daggers in her arm are still there - cassandra wants to pull them out, but delilah is already bleeding badly, so she doesn't want to kill her. (yet.) smoke starts rising from her rapidly, not enough to cover her _yet_ , but it could get there. she stares down at delilah, dagger in hand. cassandra rips the gag from delilah, aiming the dagger right at her face.

_" **kill her**_ ," the smoke growls.

"no," she says, loudly. cassandra points the dagger right next to delilah. "take my brother off the last dagger. i never agreed to that."

" _he was always there_ ," it bellows in her head.

" _no_ , this deal is _off_ , it was never fair to begin with."

" _you cannot take back our deal, cassandra. **kill her**."_

"NO!"

her hand begins to pulse, and without her control, her dagger begins to point back to delilah. she almost sinks it into delilah - the anger is loud - but she pulls away at the last moment.  

"talk," she snarls to delilah. "how do we stop that ritual?"

delilah, who is breathing heavily, eyes close to fluttering, almost smirks. "you cannot intimidate me. you have taken _everything_ from me."

"i can take _so much more_ ," cassandra says, as smoke begins to swell up and out of her. "you have all your limps attached. you are going _to die_ , and i can control whether it's painless and quick or agonizing and slow."

more smoke is surrounding her, almost completely encasing. cassandra can hear the others speaking, worried about her - there's too much smoke, she thinks.

"grog, be ready to restrain me," she shouts. out of the corner of her eye, she sees him nod.

"cassandra, have you lost yourself?" this time, delilah does smirk, and suddenly, cassandra just - she just _hates_.

she raises her dagger, and doesn't plunge it in - no, she starts cutting little, shallow cuts into all of delilah's body. there's some blood, but cassandra figures it shouldn't be deadly. delilah's face contorts in pain, and cassandra almost grins.

"it could be _years_ , even, before death even  _glances_ at your door. i have taken your loved one, and i can _make sure_ you don't see him for a long, long time. and your pain will _never_ come as close to mine."

delilah takes a moment, and she closes her eyes - but she is not unconscious.

"the ritual probably wasn't even successful," she sighs. "we did it too soon. it was all to repay a debt."

"a debt?"

"a debt. we failed in this. he will not be happy with me."

"what did he give you?" vex asks.

"he gave me my sylas back," tears begin to stream down her face. "he gave me my world back, and **you** took it away from me."

cassandra turns away from delilah. everything, she thinks, has become too much. she doesn't know what to do - there's no mistake: killing delilah would be the right thing to do. she's taken _so much_ , and hurt so many, and would only continue to hurt people should she be alive.

but that would be playing into its' hands. and that doesn't seem right.

"cassandra," vax interrupts her. "what the _fuck_ are we going to do?"

"i don't know," she responds, but vax shakes his head.

"no, none of that. you need to _tell_ us what's going on, and what we're going to do."

"who were you talking to?" keyleth asks.

"i _really_ don't know," cassandra's eyes dart around; everyone's looking at her with _worry_. she doesn't know how to respond.

"bullshit," vax sounds calm, but she knows he's angry. "you had a full fledged conversation with yourself."

"you said something about a deal, cassandra... what was it?" keyleth takes a step forward.

"my dream, that thing from all those years ago -"

"well, it _definitely wasn't a dream_ , cassandra - "

"-- _yes, i know, vax,_ but i didn't know that at the time. i didn't know it would give me all this, or it would tell me to kill my own _brother_."

behind vax, percy's eyes widen, but he doesn't say anything.

"okay, well, what do we do, then?"

"the only thing i can think of... is to not kill her."

" _cassandra,_ " her hand starts to pulse once again, as it begins to move on its own. " _kill._ "

the smoke rises rapidly, up and out of her. she can feel the force that it is trying to exert on her, and it almost works - her hand starts to move for her dagger, to reach up and _kill_ , but she pulls it back. the smoke roars in her mind and she can feel anger and _hate_ coursing through her once more but she will _not let it win_ , not let it _consume her--_

she sees vax aim a dagger behind her and turns to look. the smoke is now coming from behind, and it is in the shape of a humanoid; not unfamiliar to the one she saw in her dream. there are two glowing eyes that stare straight at her.

" ** _cassandra_** _,_ " it bellows, but it's not in her head: for once, she can hear it outside, and it seems as though the others can too.

"fight!" she cries, and immediately, she sees an arrow from vex fly into the smoke monster.

it begins.

* * *

(and, truly, cassandra doesn't know if she'll live -- so much has happened. she's hurt so many people. if she wins, where does she go from there? this fight should be her fight. it doesn't seem good, quite frankly.

but then she remembers. she remembers that vox machina promised to help her on this mission. she remembers the elation when she discovered that percy was alive. she remembers smiling up at vax, and exclaiming, "i have a brother!"

she remembers that she _has_ to live, for everyone.)

* * *

the smoke monster tries to kill her and her family and she refuses to let that happen. it takes tooth, nail, blood, sweat, and every ounce of energy from both cassandra and vox machina to clear the smoke, but they do.

orthax recedes back into cassandra, and the anger fades from her: she just feels cold. something's not right.

"cassandra," percy, now untied, walks up to her. "are you alright?"

"i don't know if it's really gone," she replies. "i feel... cold."

"well, did we really, truly, kill that thing?" scanlan says. "i mean, it just kind of went back into you... i don't know if we truly defeated it."

"well... perhaps we have not defeated the source?" pike muses.

cassandra thinks. she takes out the jeweled dagger with percy's name on it, and stares down at it.

that was the dagger that started everything, she thinks. so it should be the one to end it.

she walks over to one of the acid pits and holds out her dagger. deep breath in, deep breath out.

it's hard, because it feels like she's letting go of something inside of her, but it's not that hard, really. that part of her life is gone and she doesn't need it back; frankly, it was really shitty.

she can start anew.

cassandra throws her dagger into the acid pit, watching it sizzle away. and as it sizzles, she can feel the cold inside of her seep out.

"it worked!" she calls out to the group.

"huh," percy responds. "i'm surprised you were just willing to throw that dagger away - it looked important, wasn't it?"

"eh, i can always get a new one."

"i mean, i suppose... no sentimental value at all?"

"percy," cassandra giggles - and, wow, when was the last time she giggled? "only you have sentimental value for these things. that dagger was given to me by a monster. i don't need it."

she doesn't wait for him to respond; she just walks over to the bound delilah, who is close to death. cassandra considers taking out her shortsword, but decides that this is not her fight.

"hey, percy," she calls, and she knows that he knows what she's going to ask. he walks over, holding the gun in his hand. "you wanna do this?"

he points the gun right at her head. delilah stares right up at him, frowning.

"you could've done great things," she sneers. "you were a _briarwood_ , we gave you everything."

"you did not give me my family back," he replies. "i will never be a briarwood. i will always be a de rolo."

with that, he fires. delilah's head lolls back; her eyes aren't even closed.

with that, cassandra crushes her brother in a tight hug: he returns the hug just as tight. and she knows, she knows it's _genuine_ , that he believes in her, and--and loves her, and they're siblings once more.

"shall we get out of here?" percy asks her.

"yes, we should," she replies.

she is ready to face anything the world will have to throw at her. for she has found her home once more: with whitestone, with percy, with vox machina.

she loves them all, forever and always.

 

**Author's Note:**

> so! fun notes:  
> -i tried to make cassandra a little more open than percy. not that percy isn't not open, but cassandra is not as... eloquent, i guess? in a way. but like, for example, she doesn't emotionally torture delilah like percy did (i.e., turning into the screaming head of sylas what the heck percy) but instead cuts up delilah bc a. cassandra hasn't learned minor illusion and b. cassandra knows cutting better than talking.  
> -cassandra wouldn't pick favorites, but vax might understand her the most - they're rogue buddies, yo.  
> -i didn't want to give cassandra guns, because i think percy got guns partially b/c he's a tinkerer. i thought orthax would give her the knowledge to wield daggers and six daggers (because you can never have enough daggers, really.) vecna gave percy the knowledge of guns as a thank you to the briarwoods - vecna is all about forbidden knowledge, or dark knowledge/secrets, and you could say the knowledge of making guns could classify as those (because having the world's first gun is an advantage and a gateway to violence, so it's dark and forbidden but wanted.)  
> -tbh i don't know if percy would either join vox machina on their adventures or try to run whitestone. both make sense to me.  
> -this is now my longest fic - it doubles my last one. (which, btw, i should try and complete the sequel to that perc'ahlia treasure au thing. it's longer and a lot angstier than the previous, but it's still good... i dunno when i'll complete it, but i feel like if i say it out loud to others i'll feel more motivated to finish it.)  
> thank you so much for reading this! <3


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